Levisms

• Lev: Is there a classified section of the newspaper?
  Dad: Yes, there is.
  Lev: Why is it classified?
  
• Dad: And where are you going to get that information?
  Lev: I'll just call collect and ask.
• "Hey, Dad - look at that symbol on the church of the guy on the cross all stretched out."
  
• "Can I learn fencing? You never know when you're going to need it.""
• "Do you think hell is big city—like San Francisco with lava?"
• Dad: Different sports have different kinds of penalties. In football, they make you go backwards, in basketball they let you shoot free baskets, in baseball they let you take an extra base, and in hockey they take you off the ice and put you in a penalty box.Lev: What about pie-eating contests?
• "I want to succeed from this family!"
• "Mom, what do you know about kissing?"
• "Whoever invented the word "and" must be rich...it's used everywhere."
• Molloy: Dad, when am I going to be dead?Lev, interjecting: We don't know. You'll find out when you die.
• "Why do they make a different version of sugar? They're just wasting stuff on earth."
• Lev: I know a great way to kill people without using guns.Dad: [Gulp!]Lev: We just give 10 packs of cigarettes to our soldiers who can give them to other countries. Then they would die and they wouldn't disturb us anymore.
• "When people die, do they bury their drivers licenses with them?"
• "I want to make $25 a day, plus candy expenses."
• "If trees are alive, why don't they have eyeballs?"
• Dad: "Pupils" is another word for "students"
  Lev: They are also on your boobs!Dad: Those are nipples.
• Lev: Mom and I went Juvie walking the other day.
  Dad: What?Lev: She was in a hurry and we just crossed the street where we were.Dad: You mean J-walking?
  Lev: Yes.