And to be clear, I'm not talking about car washes and bake sales. For $100 per person, this affair was better than most weddings I've been to. It was held at one of the town's exclusive golf courses where for a mere $50,000 you are bestowed not with a membership, but rather a spot on the 5-year waiting list to become a member. With delectable appetizers, open bar, dinner carving stations, and a DJ, it was difficult to figure out how they would break even, let alone make money.
The theme was 1980s and we were invited to dress in costume. Given that I haven't bought any new clothes since the '80s, I didn't have much to worry about. Ultimately, Kerrie and I dressed as parents with too many children who never get to go out and have a good time.
Oddly, the 1980s reflected the time most of these parents were in college; a sad indictment that we are society of parents in our late-forties raising kids that are in the 3rd grade. My parents were in their mid-30s when I was in 3rd grade—boy, times have changed. And if anyone is unsure what exactly the eighties were all about, let me just say one word: ALF.
So, there we were, hobnobbing with our well-off neighbors who were normally too rich to socialize with us, but too poor to send their kids to a private school. We were also surrounded by silent auction items like wine bottles whose asking price exceeded my wife's annual wine budget, an Alex Rodriquez-autographed baseball with an opening bid of $400, and a golf threesome (you have to play with a member) at Trump National ($2,200 value) donated by...what's this...members of the Trump family! Do they live in town?!?!? (How about auctioning off membership at the golf club we were partying at?). I did manage to score a $200 gift certificate at a local spa for my Enchantress for a mere $170...what a bargain!
We did meet one couple who were members of the golf club and they seemed to like us so much that they offered to sponsor us for a membership. I don't think they fully understood that where most of the people in the room were accustomed to transferring money from offshore, all we could transfer from offshore were childen. Besides, Kerrie and I were still trying to figure out where we were going to get the $600 annual dues for our new yacht club membership, let alone $50,000 to grovel before a Membership Board.
Finally, the night wound down to the main event; a live auction of the Grand Prize. Are you ready for this...remember all the great items on the silent auction? The Grand Prize live auction item was 4 front row tickets for the annual grade school show! That's right, a two-hour long smorgasbord of 2 minute acts performed by 2nd through 5th graders with a face value of $10 per ticket. To give you some perspective, Lev participated last year and was on stage with 9 other kids for as long as it takes to play the song "Ghostbusters".
Ghostbusters - April 2008 (Lev is on the far right)
Well, you would have thought these were front row seats to The Lion King on Broadway. The opening bid was $200 and they got bid all the way up to $600, I kid you not. And that was for the Friday night show. Saturday night's show went for $650.
OK, I get it, they just wanted to donate money to the school, but I can think of more dignified ways of doing so. I mean, for $650 they should have also gotten the Alex Rodriquez baseball AND a round of golf at Trump National.
