Dadisms

• Whenever a child asks me anything they either already know or could easily figure out for themself: "Use your brain. Stop using mine."


• "In order for you boys to work together, you're going to have to work apart."


• "Lev, you shouldn't be thinking about what you're going to say next. You should be thinking about what I'm going to say next."


• Molloy: Dad, my tummy is full.
  Dad: Well, take it out and put in a new one.
  Molloy: But I don't know how to do that.
  Dad: What do you think you have a belly button for? You just unbutton it, take out your tummy and put in a new one.
  Molloy: Can you do it for me?
  Dad: [Goes through the motions.]
  Molloy: Thank you.


• Dad: Who wants to shower first?
  Children: [Silence]
  Dad: Who wants to shower last?
  Children: I do! I do!
  Dad: Who wants to shower last, first?
  Children: Me! Me!


• Lev: I'm hungry.
  Dad: You just finished lunch a few minutes ago, how do you know you are hungry?
  Lev: Because when I see food it makes me feel hungry.
  Dad: Is looking at this blanket making you feel cold?
  Lev: No, it's making me feel warm.
  Dad: Then looking at food should make you feel full.
  Lev: ??